Day 93: Peer Pressure

Let's talk about peer pressure, shall we? Not just the teenage "come on, have a ciggy behind the bike sheds" variety, but the subtle, grown-up version that's probably dictating more of your decisions than you'd care to admit.

I read this book once, "Originals" by Adam Grant. Grant talks about how conformity is the enemy of originality. The moment you start fitting in, you stop standing out.

There's this fascinating study that was done way back in the 1950s by a psychologist called Solomon Asch. He put people in a room and showed them lines of different lengths, then asked which lines matched. Easy peasy, right? But here's the twist, everyone else in the room was an actor instructed to give the wrong answer.

And guess what happened? About 75% of participants went along with the obviously wrong answer at least once.

Seventy-five percent! That's three out of four people willing to say that black is white just because everyone else is saying it.

But wait, it gets better. In follow-up interviews, most participants knew they were giving the wrong answer but did it anyway because they didn't want to be different.

Science, eh? Always confirming what we secretly suspected about ourselves.

The Social Media Comparison Trap (Again)

Oh look, Karen from accounts has posted another picture of her perfect breakfast/perfect children/perfect holiday/perfect life on Instagram. Again.

And here you are, scrolling through her highlights reel while eating toast over the sink and wondering why your life doesn't look like that.

The writer of Ecclesiastes had it right when he said, "Then I saw that all toil and all skill in work come from a man's envy of his neighbour. This also is vanity and a striving after wind." (Ecclesiastes 4:4, ESV)

Yea that's right, I used that verse in my last blog too. Why? Because it's just that good! And also because comparison is such a persistent problem that the Bible mentions it approximately 100 drillion times. (That's an approximate count, mind you. Don't quote me on the exact drillion.)

There was this study from the Journal of Social and Clinical Psychology that found a direct correlation between time spent on social media and increased levels of depression and anxiety. Why? Because we're constantly bombarded with idealised versions of other people's lives, and our monkey brains tell us we need to keep up.

The Productivity Paradox

Here's where peer pressure really starts to mess with your growth and productivity. When you're constantly looking over your shoulder to see what everyone else is doing, you're not looking ahead at what you should be doing.

It's like trying to drive forward while only looking in the rearview mirror. Sooner or later, you're going to crash into something. Probably something expensive.

I remember reading "Deep Work" by Cal Newport (actually read the whole thing this time, quite proud of myself for that), and he talks about how the most productive people are those who can tune out the noise and focus deeply on what matters to them, not what others think should matter.

How to Break Free from the Herd 

So how do we actually do this? How do we stand firm when everyone around us is moving in a direction we know isn't right for us? Here are some thoughts:

1. Know Your North Star What are your values? What really matters to YOU? Not your colleagues, not your Facebook friends, not that random person you met at a networking event who somehow made you feel inadequate about your career choices within thirty seconds of meeting you. 
2. Practice the Art of the Gentle "No" You don't have to be rude about it. Just a simple, "Thanks, but that's not really my thing" can work wonders. Or if you're British like me, "Oh, that sounds lovely but unfortunately I have to wash my hair that day" (even if "that day" is non-specific and your hair is perfectly clean). 
3. Find Your People (The Right Ones) Not all peer pressure is bad. If you surround yourself with people who are growing in the direction you want to grow, their influence can actually help you. 
4. Create a "Decision Filter" Before saying yes to anything, ask yourself: "Am I doing this because I truly want to, or because I'm afraid of what others will think if I don't?"
5. Embrace the Awkward Let's be honest, going against the grain is going to feel weird sometimes. Embrace it! Some of history's greatest innovators were considered proper weirdos in their time.

In Conclusion...

Your productivity and growth are your journey. They're not a competition, they're not a performance for others, and they're certainly not subject to peer approval.

As Jesus said in Matthew 7:13-14, "Enter by the narrow gate. For the gate is wide and the way is easy that leads to destruction, and those who enter by it are many. For the gate is narrow and the way is hard that leads to life, and those who find it are few." (ESV)

So go forth. Be productively weird. Grow in your own direction. And the next time someone tries to pressure you into conforming to their idea of what you should be doing...

Remember that the only person who truly knows what's right for you is you. (And God, of course, but He's generally quite good about letting you figure things out for yourself)

And if that still doesn't help, remember that most of the people pressuring you are probably just as confused about their own path as you are about yours. They're just better at faking confidence.

Not that I'm judging anyone for faking confidence. Sometimes that's all we've got.

...OK fine, I'm totally faking confidence right now. Just enough to finish this blog post. DONE!

Wait, what are we doing? I almost forgot. Oh right, resisting peer pressure and finding our own path to growth and productivity.

Let's do that instead.

Because this is what we do now!