Let's take a step back in time, shall we? All the way to the beginning. Even the very first siblings in biblical history couldn't escape the comparison trap.
There they were, Cain and Abel, bringing their offerings before God. The Bible tells us, "Abel brought of the firstborn of his flock and of their fat portions. And the LORD had regard for Abel and his offering, but for Cain and his offering he had no regard." (Genesis 4:4-5, ESV)
Now what does Cain do? Instead of thinking, "Hmm, maybe I need to work on the quality of my offering," he looks sideways at his brother and thinks, "This guy's making me look bad!" And we all know how that story ends. Spoiler alert: not well.
The first murder in human history stemmed from comparison. That's how deep this goes, folks.
The Problem with Other People's Measuring Sticks
Here's the thing about measuring yourself against others, you're using the wrong measuring stick.
I remember reading something by theologian and author C.S. Lewis that always stuck with me. He wrote, "Pride gets no pleasure out of having something, only out of having more of it than the next man... It is the comparison that makes you proud: the pleasure of being above the rest."
But the opposite is true too, innit? The despair of being "below" others is just as poisonous.
Solomon, allegedly the wisest bloke who ever lived, wrote in Ecclesiastes 4:4, "Then I saw that all toil and all skill in work come from a man's envy of his neighbour. This also is vanity and a striving after wind." (ESV)
Translation: We knock ourselves out trying to one-up each other, and for what? To chase the wind?
Your Race, Your Pace
There's this passage in Galatians that I think about a lot. Paul writes, "But let each one test his own work, and then his reason to boast will be in himself alone and not in his neighbour. For each will have to bear his own load." (Galatians 6:4-5, ESV)
In other words: Stay in your lane, mate.
I read this book once"Mindset" by Carol Dweck, (well I listened to the audio book)where she talks about the difference between a fixed mindset and a growth mindset. People with a growth mindset understand that abilities can be developed through dedication and hard work. They don't waste energy proving how great they are; they focus on getting better.
It's a bit like that scene in "Alice in Wonderland" where Alice is at the Mad Hatter's tea party, and the March Hare offers her wine that isn't there. When she points out there is no wine, he replies, "There isn't any." Alice says it wasn't very civil to offer something that wasn't there, to which the March Hare responds, "It wasn't very civil of you to sit down without being invited."
Wait, that has nothing to do with anything. My brain just went on a tangent there.
What I meant to reference was when the Red Queen tells Alice, "Now, here, you see, it takes all the running you can do, to keep in the same place. If you want to get somewhere else, you must run at least twice as fast as that!"
But that's the thing right? You actually do not actually need to run twice as fast as anyone else. (said actually twice there didn't I? Yea that's how actually it is!) You just need to run faster than you did yesterday.
The Science of Self-Comparison (That Sounds Important, Doesn't It?)
According to research from the field of positive psychology (I'm not making this up, it's a real thing), people who compare themselves to others tend to experience more envy, lower self-esteem, and greater instances of depression.
A study by researchers at the University of Pennsylvania found that the more time people spent on social media, the more they felt depressed. Why? Because they were constantly comparing their behind-the-scenes footage with everyone else's highlight reel.
But when these same folks started tracking their own progress instead of comparing themselves to others, their happiness levels increased significantly.
Science, eh? Always stating the obvious things we refuse to believe.
How to Actually Measure Your Own Growth (The Practical Bit)
So how do we actually do this? How do we measure our growth without glancing over at someone else's paper? Here are some thoughts:
1. Define What Growth Means to YOU
Not your mum, not your best mate, not that random influencer on Instagram. YOU. What do you actually value? Maybe it's patience, creativity, or the ability to make the perfect cup of tea (a noble pursuit if ever there was one).
Proverbs 16:9 reminds us, "The heart of man plans his way, but the LORD establishes his steps." (ESV) Set your direction according to your values, and let God handle the details.
2. Look Backwards, Not Sideways
Instead of comparing yourself to others, compare yourself to your past self. "Am I more patient than I was six months ago?" is a much better question than "Am I as patient as Mr Mfundo who never seems to lose her cool? (well I mean I do lose my patience sometimes once in a while)"
3. Keep a Growth Journal (Not as Pretentious as It Sounds)
Seriously, just jot down small wins and learnings. "Today I managed not to yell at the printer when it jammed" is growth if you normally have a vendetta against office equipment.
As Jeremiah 17:9-10 tells us, "The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick; who can understand it? I the LORD search the heart and test the mind, to give every man according to his ways, according to the fruit of his deeds." (ESV)
Our memories are unreliable narrators. Write stuff down.
4. Celebrate Others' Successes (Without Making It About You)
When someone else wins, train yourself to be genuinely happy for them without immediately thinking, "What does this say about me?"
Romans 12:15 puts it simply: "Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep." (ESV) Notice it doesn't say, "Rejoice with those who rejoice while secretly wondering why that good thing didn't happen to you instead."
5. Embrace the Concept of "Enough"
This might be the hardest one. Our culture isn't big on "enough." It's all about more, bigger, faster, shinier. I remember having a conversation with a friend of mine telling him that I am happy with the current status of life and I'm okay. Then he asked me "But are you content?" I was like huhhh?
But there's this lovely bit in Philippians 4:11-12 where Paul writes, "I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content. I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need." (ESV)
Paul figured out the secret to contentment, and it wasn't "have more than everyone else." It was knowing how to be satisfied regardless of circumstances. Well I mean not unless your situation is like my friend's who was asking the question.
The Plot Twist About Comparison
Here's something interesting I've noticed. The people who achieve the most meaningful growth are often the ones least concerned with how they measure up against others. I would say someone much like me, but well that would be comparing right?
They're too busy being curious, taking risks, making mistakes, and learning from them to worry about whether they look good doing it.
It's like that quote often attributed to Theodore Roosevelt: "Comparison is the thief of joy." Actually, I don't think he ever said that. But someone important probably did, and it sounds good, so let's go with it.
The point is, comparison doesn't just steal joy; it steals growth. Because real growth happens when you're focused on the process, not the scoreboard.
In Conclusion...
If you take nothing else away from my ramblings today, remember this: Your growth is your journey. It's not a competition, it's not a race, and there's no universal measuring stick.
As Jesus said in the parable of the talents, "Well done, good and faithful servant. You have been faithful over a little; I will set you over much." (Matthew 25:23, ESV)
Note that he didn't say, "Well done, good and faithful servant. You have accumulated more talents than the servant next door." The master was concerned with what each person did with what they had been given, not how they compared to others.
So go forth. Grow at your own pace. Celebrate your own victories, however small. And the next time you find yourself doom-scrolling through Instagram, feeling inadequate because someone just bought their third holiday home while you're eating beans on toast for the third night running...
Remember that the only person you need to be better than is the person you were yesterday.
And if that still doesn't help, remember that the person with the third holiday home probably has three times the mortgage stress. And maybe a termite problem.
Not that I'm wishing termites on anyone. That would be petty.
...OK fine, maybe a small termite problem. Just enough to keep them humble.
Because this is what we do now!
Wait, what are we doing? I've lost track. Oh right, growing without comparing.
Let's do that instead.
Because this is what we do now!
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