Day 78: Brules

Vishen Lakhiani calls them "Brules" those Bullshit Rules we follow religiously despite the fact they're draining our life force one compliance at a time.

Like those fish who don't know they're wet, we swim through these Brules without even noticing. They're the water we breathe, the cultural smog we've inhaled since our mewling infancy.

The Inheritance of Absurdity (A Rather Dramatic Title, I'll Grant You)

I was reminded of something Friedrich Nietzsche once said: "Sometimes people don't want to hear the truth because they don't want their illusions destroyed." Bit dramatic, our Fred, but he's got a point, hasn't he? We cling to our Brules like security blankets, even when they're strangling us.

These Brules aren't just personal neuroses no, they're generational hand-me-downs. Think about it. Your great-grandparents believed certain things because their environment demanded it. Your grandparents inherited those beliefs. Your parents absorbed them unquestioningly. And here you are, living by 19th century survival tactics in an age where you can order Thai food from your toilet in while watching Korean dramas and talking to your uncle in UK who's 13 423 km away. ( That's the distance between South Africa and United Kingdom).

The Academic Brule 

One of the most pernicious Brules infecting modern society is the Academic Brule that crusty old chestnut that success requires formal education, preferably from institutions with Latin mottos and buildings that look like ancient palaces.

The narrative goes: good grades → prestigious university → respected career → financial stability → happiness. A neat little assembly line for human flourishing.

Except it's absolute bollocks for many people, isn't it?

Look at Steve Jobs, college dropout. Richard Branson, left school at 16. Even Jesus Christ not exactly brandishing his Jerusalem University MBA when flipping those money-changer tables, was he?

Proverbs 4:7 says, "The beginning of wisdom is this: Get wisdom. Though it cost all you have, get understanding." (NIV) Nowhere does it specify that wisdom comes with a R500,000 student loan and a certificate in a cardboard tube.

In his book "Outliers," Malcolm Gladwell argues that success often has more to do with opportunity, timing, and putting in those famous 10,000 hours than it does with where (or if) you went to university. The research suggests that intrinsic motivation and deliberate practice are far better predictors of success than that framed piece of paper gathering dust on your parents' wall.

But try telling that to your African mother. Go on, I dare you. I'll wait.

The Relationship Escalator (Mind the Gap)

Another Brule that deserves a swift kick in the particulars is the Relationship Escalator that predetermined sequence of romantic steps we're all meant to follow:

Dating → Exclusivity → Moving in → Marriage → Children → Mortgage → Slow death of passion/love → Occasional holidays to reignite said passion/love → Retirement → Death

Deviation from this sacred path invites raised eyebrows, concerned conversations, and the dreaded "But when are you going to settle down?" from relatives who settled so far down they've practically fossilised. (BARS!!!)

In Matthew 19:12, Jesus acknowledges that some people choose not to marry, saying some "have renounced marriage because of the kingdom of heaven." (NIV) If Jesus can acknowledge alternative lifestyles, perhaps Aunt Margaret can stop asking when you're going to "find someone" at every family gathering.

The research backs this up too. A 2019 study from the University of Michigan found that people who remained single throughout their lives reported levels of happiness equal to those in satisfied marriages. The unhappiest? Those who stayed in unfulfilling relationships because they felt they should be on the bloody escalator.

Bella DePaulo, Harvard PhD and author of "Singled Out," calls this "matrimania" our cultural obsession with coupling that pathologises singlehood. It's not just wrong; it's actively harmful to those who might thrive on a different path.

The Success-Suffering Equation 

Perhaps the most masochistic Brule is the one that equates success with suffering, the bizarre notion that unless you're grinding yourself into a physical and mental paste, you're not really working.

"No pain, no gain!" "Rise and grind!" "I'll sleep when I'm dead!" (Sooner than you think with that attitude, mate.)

This Brule has us glorifying burnout like it's some badge of honour rather than a one-way ticket to antidepressants and stress-induced hair loss.

Matthew 11:30 offers a rather refreshing counter-perspective: "For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." (NIV) Hardly the rallying cry of hustle culture, is it?

In his less-than-revolutionary but oddly popular book "The 4-Hour Work Week," Tim Ferriss challenges this work-yourself-to-death mentality, suggesting that efficiency should create more freedom, not just more output. Meanwhile, numerous studies from Sweden's two-year experiment with six-hour workdays showed increased productivity, reduced sick leave, and improved worker happiness.

But no, we keep flogging ourselves because... tradition? Masochism? The ghost of our disappointed father?

The Money-Happiness Myth 

Then there's the Brule that money equals happiness that elusive equation suggesting joy can be purchased if only your bank balance reaches some magical threshold.

We all know intellectually that "money can't buy happiness," but we behave as if we're just one Amazon purchase away from existential satisfaction.

Ecclesiastes 5:10 nails it: "Whoever loves money never has enough; whoever loves wealth is never satisfied with their income." (NIV) Old Solomon knew his stuff, didn't he?

The famous 2010 Princeton study suggested happiness increases with income only up to about $75,000 annually (adjusted for inflation, obviously I'm not living in 2010 prices anymore, sadly). Beyond that, emotional well-being doesn't improve significantly with more money.

Yet we keep chasing, don't we? Working jobs we hate, to buy things we don't need, to impress people we don't particularly like.

Breaking the Brules (Without Becoming an Unbearable Rebel)

So how do we break free from these Brules without becoming that person at dinner parties who has to announce they're "living an unconventional life" every five minutes? (We get it, Trevor, you live in a converted van and grow your own organic coffee.)

First, we question everything. EVERYTHING. Especially the things that make us say, "But that's just how it's done."

Romans 12:2 advises, "Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind." (NIV) Biblical permission to question the status quo, can't argue with that, can you?

Second, we need to distinguish between rules and Brules. Rules like "don't murder people" and "wash your hands after using the loo" probably worth keeping. Brules like "success only looks like X" or "happiness requires Y" chuck 'em in the bin.

In his book "The Code of the Extraordinary Mind," Vishen Lakhiani suggests a simple test: Does this rule come from societal convention or conscious choice? Does it uplift humanity or limit human potential?

Finally, we build our own operating system. One conscious choice at a time. One questioned assumption at a time. One rebellion against pointless tradition at a time.

The Final Thought (Before My Coffee Goes Cold)

Life doesn't hand us a rulebook; it hands us a blank page with a few societal watermarks that are far more faint than we've been led to believe.

Next time you catch yourself living by a Brule, pause before continuing down that predetermined path. Ask yourself: "Is this truly my chosen way, or am I following someone else's map?"

Because anyone can follow rules. But questioning Brules? That's what separates the sheep from the shepherds, the pawns from the players, the NPC from the protagonist.

Because This is What We Do NOW!