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Day 32: Just say NO


DISCLAIMER: THERE ISN'T ANYTHING MUCH WRITTEN IN THIS THAT YOU DON'T ALREADY KNOW. INSTEAD OF WASTING THE NEXT 15 MINS OF YOUR LIFE, JUST GO ON WITH IT. WELL IN CASE YOU WANT TO WASTE IT ANYWAY, DO NOT READ ANYTHING IN BRACKETS OR IN RED TEXT, THAT'S A BIT OUT OF CONTEXT USUALLY MY MIND OFF RAMPING. IT WILL SAVE YOU SOME TIME TO DO MORE IMPORTANT THINGS. (SOMETIMES IT'S GENUINE LINKS TO ARTICLES WITH MORE INFO SO READ AND CLICK IT).

We're raised to be nice, to be helpful, to be accommodating. We're taught that saying "yes" is the polite thing to do, even if it means sacrificing our own sanity in the process. It's like we're all programmed to be people-pleasing robots, constantly saying "yes" to everything and everyone, even if it means ending up with a schedule that has more people pleasing and less personal time.

But here's the thing: saying "yes" to everything is actually a form of self-sabotage. It's like slowly poisoning yourself with a cocktail of obligations, commitments, and unwanted social events. You end up feeling overwhelmed, resentful, and like you're constantly running on a hamster wheel of exhaustion.

The Science of "No":

Believe it or not, there's actual science to back this up. Studies have shown that people who have difficulty saying "no" are more likely to experience stress, burnout, and even depression. They're also more likely to have lower self-esteem and less satisfying relationships. So basically, saying "yes" all the time is not only bad for your mental health, it's also bad for your social life. Who knew?

"No" is Not a Four-Letter Word:

For some reason, we've been conditioned to believe that saying "no" is rude, selfish, and downright evil. But the truth is, "no" is just a word. It's a tool that we can use to protect our time, our energy, and our sanity. It's a way of saying, "I value myself and my well-being, and I'm not going to let anyone or anything compromise that."

Think of it like this: every time you say "yes" to something you don't want to do, you're essentially saying "no" to yourself. You're saying "no" to your own needs, your own priorities, and your own happiness. But when you say "no" to something that doesn't serve you, you're saying "yes" to yourself. You're saying "yes" to your own well-being, your own peace of mind, and your own freedom.

The "No" Toolkit:

Here are a few practical tips for saying "no" without feeling like a complete jerk:

  • Be direct and polite: No need to beat around the bush. A simple "Thank you for the offer, but I'm not able to do that right now" is perfectly acceptable. You don't need to invent a sudden illness or a family emergency. Just be honest and straightforward.
  • Offer an alternative (if possible): If you can't do the specific thing requested, but you can offer a different solution, that can be a good way to soften the blow. For example, "I can't make it to your improv class tonight, but I'd love to grab coffee with you next week."
  • Don't over-explain: The more you explain, the more you open yourself up to negotiation. Keep it brief and to the point. No need to give a detailed account of your entire life schedule.
  • Don't apologize: You have nothing to apologise for. You have a right to say "no." (No means No). Unless, of course, you're saying no to helping someone move furniture. Then, maybe a little apology is in order. (or is it?).

The "No" Effect:

Studies have shown that setting boundaries can actually improve your relationships. When you're clear about your limits, people are more likely to respect them. And when you're not constantly overextending yourself, you're more likely to be present and engaged in your interactions with others. So basically, saying "no" can actually make you a better friend, partner, and human being. Who knew?

Quotes to Live By:

  • "The difference between successful people and really successful people is that really successful people say no to almost everything." - Warren Buffett
  • "When you say yes to others, make sure you are not saying no to yourself." - Paulo Coelho
  • "No is a complete sentence." - Anne Lamott

I'm pretty sure most readers know how to say no and I actually wrote today's piece for myself after a realisation that it's a bunch of yeses that I have and If i have to grow and change i this season I have to lose some. In case you feel the same way, go forth and say "no" with confidence, my friends. Because this is what we do now!

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