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I was on a call with a friend yesterday. She mentioned something very interesting. Most of here life she's been serving, giving her time, energy, and heart to others. But recently, she decided to stop. She wanted to “find herself,” to explore her true purpose outside of service. And yet, instead of feeling fulfilled, she feels more lost than ever. That got me thinking how's that even possible (Well to be quite honest it didn't get me thinking I just knew why).
We’ve all heard the classic self-help advice: “Follow your passion,” “Do what makes you happy,” “Put yourself first.” But what has been found true about purpose is that it isn’t in chasing personal desires but in serving others.
The Paradox of Self-Interest
Now, don’t get me wrong. There’s nothing wrong with taking care of yourself, setting boundaries, or enjoying life. But here’s the paradox: when we chase happiness directly, through self-indulgence, material success, or personal gratification it often slips further away.
This is called the hedonic treadmill, a psychological concept that explains how humans quickly adapt to positive changes and start seeking the next thing to maintain their happiness. In short: what thrilled you yesterday feels normal today, and insufficient tomorrow.
Viktor Frankl, in Man’s Search for Meaning, argued that true fulfilment isn’t found by seeking happiness but by dedicating oneself to a cause greater than the self. He said, “For success, like happiness, cannot be pursued; it must ensue… as the unintended side-effect of one’s dedication to a cause greater than oneself.” And if anyone knew about finding meaning in suffering, it was Frankl (seriously, the man survived a concentration camp and still had hope. What’s our excuse?).
The Gospel of Mark described Jesus' life mission as one of service: “The Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve” (Mark 10:45). Now, if the King of Kings saw service as the ultimate purpose, what makes us think our fulfilment will come from chasing individual desires? (Spoiler: It won’t. And Jesus knew a thing or two about life.)
The Trap of Self-Discovery
The modern world sells us the idea that purpose is something we find in isolation i.e through soul-searching, solo travel, or self-exploration, keeping up with the Kardashians. But historically, purpose has always been discovered in community. Think of history’s greatest figures Mother Teresa, Gandhi, Nelson Mandela. They weren’t locked in a room trying to “find themselves.” They found purpose in service, in lifting others, in sacrifice (Of course I don't mean go and and be a revolutionary activist or something like that, no).
We live in an era obsessed with the self. We scroll through social media, endlessly curating and comparing. We chase pleasure, but it never lasts. We seek purpose in things that fade , fleeting passions only to realise we still feel empty (it's the insomnia coupled with the endless scroll at 2AM isn't it).
So, how do we move from a self-focused life to a purpose-driven one? Here are a few practical steps:
Shift Your Mindset If you feel lost, instead of asking, “What do I want?” look around you and ask, “Who can I help?” The more you focus on giving, the clearer your purpose becomes (plus, it’s a great distraction from your own problems. Win-win!).
Start Small You don’t have to be the next Martin Luther King Jr. to make an impact. Start by serving in small ways, help a friend, volunteer for a cause, support a struggling stranger. Purpose isn’t always found in grand gestures; sometimes, it’s in the simple act of showing up for others (bonus: it makes you a better person, too. Side effects may include unexpected joy and a sudden urge to be kind).
Embrace Discomfort Serving others isn’t always glamorous. Sometimes it’s inconvenient, exhausting, even thankless. But fulfilment doesn’t come from ease; it comes from meaning. And meaning often requires effort (unfortunate, but true. Still waiting on an easier method.).
Surround Yourself with Purpose-Driven People Ever notice how being around selfless, driven people makes you want to be better? Community matters. Find people who inspire you to give, to serve, to be more (peer pressure, but make it wholesome).
Remember: It’s Not About You Harsh truth? The world doesn’t revolve around you. And that’s liberating. When we stop making life about our happiness and start living for something greater, we ironically find more joy than we ever could chasing pleasure.
So if you’re feeling lost, maybe the answer isn’t another self-help book, another trip, another late-night existential crisis. Maybe the answer is simply this: Go serve. Help someone. Make someone’s life a little better. And in that, you just might find exactly what you were looking for all along.
Because This is what we do now.
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