Day 7: The Role of Identity in Habit Formation: Becoming the person you want to be

DISCLAIMER: THERE ISN'T ANYTHING MUCH WRITTEN IN THIS THAT YOU DON'T ALREADY KNOW. INSTEAD OF WASTING THE NEXT 15 MINS OF YOUR LIFE, JUST GO ON WITH IT. WELL IN CASE YOU WANT TO WASTE IT ANYWAY, DO NOT READ ANYTHING IN BRACKETS OR IN RED TEXT, THAT'S A BIT OUT OF CONTEXT USUALLY MY MIND OFF RAMPING. IT WILL SAVE YOU SOME TIME TO DO MORE IMPORTANT THINGS. (SOMETIMES IT'S GENUINE LINKS TO ARTICLES WITH MORE INFO SO READ AND CLICK IT).

It’s 6 a.m., your alarm rings. You’re lying in bed, staring at the ceiling. One part of you whispers, “Get up, start the day right,” probably the heart or the brain (I never the quite got the hang of the difference between the two) while another part (you know, the lazy, excuse-ridden version) whispers back, “Stay in bed; it’s too cold to work out anyway.”

Sound familiar? 

Here’s the thing: this tug-of-war isn’t just about willpower or motivation. It’s about identity (Whoo, got me chills that line). You see, our habits aren’t just things we do; they’re reflections of who we believe we are. “We do not see things as they are. We see things as we are.”— Rabbi Shemuel ben Nachmani, as quoted in the Talmudic tractate Berakhot (55b.). And when our habits align with our identity, they stick like honey on toast.

Identity Drives Behavior 

Let’s get real. Have you ever tried to force yourself into a new habit? Say, drinking more water or not drinking alcohol anymore only to abandon it a week later? Why? Because habits that feel disconnected from your self-perception don’t last. So your body automatically declines any action that does not make sense to you (your subconscious mind). It’s not enough to want to drink water, no not at all. You have to see yourself as someone who values health and hydration. 

James Clear, in Atomic Habits, puts it perfectly: “The goal is not to read a book; the goal is to become a reader. The goal is not to run a marathon; the goal is to become a runner.” Identity-based habits endure because they’re woven into the fabric of who you are. And the moment you start to meditate on that character and drilling it into your psyche, then eventually it wouldn't make sense not to run early in the morning because that's what athletes do. 

Paradigm Shift 

This brings us to the million-dollar question: how do you shift your self-perception? (Recommended Read: 7 habits of Highly effective people - Stephen R Covey, talks more about the paradigm shift). 

Start with two simple words: I am. These are the most powerful words you’ll ever speak because they shape your reality. Tell yourself, “I am disciplined,” and watch how your habits follow suit. Say, “I am lazy,” and, well, good luck breaking free from Netflix binges. Catch? You have to say those words with utmost conviction, you need to ridiculously believe that and make it a part of you. 

I am a Non-Smoker 

Imagine this scenario. Two people are offered a cigarette. The first says, “No thanks, I’m trying to quit.” The second responds, “No thanks, I’m not a smoker.” Who do you think is more likely to stay cigarette-free? The second person, of course. Why? Because their refusal aligns with their identity. They don’t just abstain; they are a non-smoker. (I do get confused a lot though watching scenes in AA meetings where before speaking you have to say "Hi, my name is Mfundo, I am an addict", I will read about it though and get a full understanding of how that works.) 

Likewise, if you want to adopt a habit, start by claiming the identity that supports it. Want to be healthier? Don’t just say, “I’m trying to eat better.” Say, “I am a healthy person.” This isn’t just wordplay; it’s a shift in your mental blueprint. Napoleon Hill frames it better in Think and Grow Rich, he calls it auto suggest, (the use of self-directed communication and self-administered stimuli to channel thoughts from the conscious mind to the seat of the subconscious). 

Biblical Wisdom on Identity 

The Bible is full of identity-shaping moments. In Genesis, God changes Abram’s name to Abraham, meaning “father of many nations,” long before he becomes the patriarch of a great lineage. Identity preceded reality. 

Paul writes in 2 Corinthians 5:17, “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.” And remember he writes this after getting a new identity himself, from Saul the Killer to Paul the Saviour in Damascus. Transformation begins with embracing a new identity. 

This biblical truth applies to habit formation too. You can’t change your habits if you’re still clinging to an old version of yourself. Let go of “I’m just not a morning person” (guilty as charged) and adopt “I’m someone who seizes the day.” (This is who we are now). 

The Identity-Habit Feedback Loop 

Here’s the beauty of it: habits shape identity, and identity reinforces habits. (Mhmm...read that again and let it sink in, I did). It’s a feedback loop. Let’s say you start journaling daily. At first, it’s just an action. But over time, as you keep showing up, you start seeing yourself as a writer. And once you believe you’re a writer, you’ll be motivated to keep journaling. (Mhm...mind games)

Controversial Thought (Brace Yourself) 

Many people try to separate who they are from what they do, insisting, “My actions don’t define me.” (heard that quite a lot haven't you, because I have) But maybe they do, at least to some extent. If your actions don’t align with your values, maybe it’s time to reconsider either your actions or your values. (Ouch, I know. But growth isn’t supposed to be comfortable, is it?)

Some Practical Steps to Adopt a New Identity 

I'm about to go full on life coach mode now; 

1. Visualize the Future: You Close your eyes. Imagine the person you want to become. What does their day look like? How do they act? What habits do they have? (Don’t just see it, feel it.) 
2. Start with Small Wins: Prove to yourself that you can be this new person by starting small. Want to be a reader? Start with one page a day. Want to be a runner? Lace up your shoes and walk to the corner. 
3. Affirm Your Identity: Daily Speak it into existence. Write it down. Say it out loud. (You might feel silly, but hey, who cares? You’re becoming someone new.) 
4. Surround Yourself with Reinforcement: Hang out with people who embody the identity you’re striving for. Want to be fit? Spend time with people who love working out. (Iron sharpens iron, remember?) 
5. Track Your Progress: Keep a journal. Celebrate milestones. Every small win reinforces your new identity. 
   

One more thing, Write Your Own Story

There’s an ancient Japanese art called Kintsugi, where broken pottery is repaired with gold, making it more beautiful than before. This is what identity transformation feels like. You take the old, flawed parts of yourself and fuse them with intentional valuable habits to create something extraordinary.

Habits aren’t just tasks on a to-do list; they’re the brushstrokes that paint the masterpiece of your life. So, who do you want to be? Choose your identity, align your habits, and start building a life that reflects the best version of you. (Because why settle for less when you can be golden?) 

Let’s go, one small habit at a time. Because This is what we do Now. Because this is who we are now. 

 References: 

https://www.soundwisdom.com/ 

https://www.franklincovey.com 

https://en.wikipedia.org